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the unconventional mother…

19 Jun

It has been a while since my last post. I wish I had a wonderful excuse. Sadly, I do not.

I have been busy, but not overly so.

Maybe it is the heat.  It has been in the 100s most of this week. We have all moved a little more sluggishly than normal.

Our upcoming trip to Vermont has me distracted with excitement. I have missed my family madly and my  two oldest children even more. They will spend the summer out here, in the Midwest, and are looking forward to all of the fun things we have planned. I am looking most forward to seeing their beautiful faces every day, and getting to hug them as many times as I can in the seven weeks they will be here.

When I got married at a young age, and had children, I never thought I would be added to the statistic of the “divorced“. I had dreams and hopes of raising my children in a loving family. Unfortunately this was not to be. Divorce is never a pretty thing, but mine was especially ugly, and after many a battle, we were left torn apart. Not only as a family but also as individuals. My children have always been absolutely wonderful in every sense. They have been through many changes, and somehow always smile through it all. They are brilliantly smart, artistic and well rounded. I could not have asked for more.

I met the wonderful man I am with today, while going through my emotionally and physically draining divorce, and we were blessed with a beautiful little boy.

A second chance at a family. It has never been conventional. Time share between homes for my oldest  was not always easy, but we were making it work.

And then two years ago an extremely sad event hit us all like a ton of bricks. My husband’s brother took his own life, and left us all devastated. Since his family was out here, 1700 miles from where we were at the time, we were faced with a very life changing decision.  His parents needed him near them during what was surely the hardest year any of them had ever faced. We decided to move to be closer to them for a few years, until we could figure out a better solution for everyone.

As I mentioned my divorce was a very ugly one. My Ex made the kind of money that afforded him a damn good lawyer. And since I had been a stay at home mother, I was basically on my own. Even though my children were my life, and I was the best mother I could be, a judge thought that my Ex was entitled to primary custody. His lawyer put a up a good fight, one that I, alone with no one to help me fight, did not stand a chance against. (I have always felt it came down to money, and the fact that the Judge and Lawyer were “friends” – that is another story for another day). Of course there is much more to this drawn out event in my life, but I have always struggled with the views of others regarding this matter. Because they assume that I MUST have done something to not get full custody. This is not the case.I guess in a way I have been labeled the Taboo Mother.

This was all six years ago. My children adapted much better than I. But we figured out a way to make it work.

I feel as if I am rambling, but wanted to give some background as to why my children did not move out west with us.

We talked about the move with our children for months before it happened. They were ok with what was going to happen. At the time I thought I would be ok, I knew that I would see them every few months. It is not nearly enough. Being a mother is something that has taught me so very much about love. About who I am as a person. I have learned that the only people who love you unconditionally, are the children you are blessed to bring into this world.

Life is rarely what we expect. There are surprises around every bend.

Right now, the twelve days I have to wait to see my babies, feels like a lifetime to me.

 

note: I changed the title of this post, because evidently “taboo mother” has a very alternative meaning from the one in which I was referring to. (go ahead, google it) 🙂 And I was getting a lot of search hits for this term, and very lewd comments….so a title change was called for.

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17 Comments

Posted by on pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 14:36:52 +000036Sunday 4 , 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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17 responses to “the unconventional mother…

  1. Katherine

    pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 14:58:31 +000058Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    Aww, Greg’s wife here, my heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to make the most of those 12 days. And I’m so glad you found love again, it makes life, well life.

     
    • metrocakegirl

      pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 15:08:06 +000008Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Thank you. The seven weeks they are here will surely be full of life!

       
  2. Holly

    pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 16:02:02 +000002Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    It’s lovely to read such a full of person post. your children are very lucky to have you. near or far, no matter. hope the next 12 days flies for you!

     
    • metrocakegirl

      pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 16:49:47 +000049Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Holly, thank you. I was a little leery of putting something so personal out there like that.

       
  3. Ginger

    pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 20:00:48 +000000Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    The countdown is on! I know you have been waiting a long time for the upcoming visit and I’m glad it’s finally so close! I can’t wait to hear about all of the wonderful things you do this summer with your babies. You are a wonderful woman and mother and if I haven’t told you that lately shame on me! Love ya girl, I’m thinking of you and I am so happy the time is so quickly approaching!

     
    • metrocakegirl

      pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 20:17:15 +000017Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Thank you sweet Ginger, as are you. 🙂 I have missed you! !! My week away from the blogging world has made me miss a lot.
      I absolutely love your new picture. Such a beautiful woman, you are!

       
      • Ginger

        pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 22:09:32 +000009Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

        Thanks, you are beautiful too and I missed you a lot this week! I will email you tomorrow or the next day, I have a big story to tell you, and I know you’ll set my mind straight! Talk soon 🙂

         
  4. metrocakegirl

    pmpSun, 19 Jun 2011 22:19:05 +000019Sunday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    Looking forward to it!!! Have a great night. 🙂

     
  5. georgettesullins

    ampMon, 20 Jun 2011 09:02:02 +000002Monday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    Your writing flows and it tells a poignant truth…you love your children, they are thriving in spite of the best laid plans taking a detour, that you are once again finding your joy one day, one month, maybe even one post at a time in this blogging experience. Keep posting.

     
    • metrocakegirl

      ampMon, 20 Jun 2011 10:09:59 +000009Monday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Georgette, your kind words brought me to tears. Thank you.

       
  6. Miss Anthropist

    ampWed, 22 Jun 2011 08:16:46 +000016Wednesday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    That’s awful…you sound like such an incredible loving mother. This experience will have you all appreciating each other even more! Your children are lucky to have someone who cares as much as you do

     
  7. metrocakegirl

    pmpWed, 22 Jun 2011 12:26:38 +000026Wednesday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    You are so sweet, thank you. Your words mean a lot.

     
  8. thefooddoctor

    pmpWed, 22 Jun 2011 14:22:47 +000022Wednesday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    I am so sorry you had to go through so much pain and suffering..and please don’t let what others say..I am sure you are an amazing loving mother and that you mean the world to your children..glad the count down is on and you will see them soon

     
    • metrocakegirl

      pmpWed, 22 Jun 2011 14:42:30 +000042Wednesday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Thank you Sawsan, for your kind words. I try very hard to not let what others say get to me, and most of the time I do well, other times not so. I just have to remind myself what is most important ; my love for my children. I can’t wait to have them help me write posts and to participate in cooking/baking. They love to help in the kitchen 🙂

       
      • thefooddoctor

        ampThu, 23 Jun 2011 02:45:05 +000045Thursday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

        People always have something to say no matter what you do..so just forget about them and focus on enjoying the time you will have with them…I can’t wait to read all your posts written with their help

         
  9. fornormalstepfathers

    pmpFri, 24 Jun 2011 20:08:57 +000008Friday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

    Very touching post. Unfortunately, a lot of time kids are used as a powerful weapon to spite the ex in the divorce. It should not be this way, and one would hope that two adults will not try to do that, but…The lawyer-judge friendship is not something unusual, is it? Probably two guys as well, so it is obvious who they will side with.

    I like that you do not sound bitter and angry! This experience made you a stronger person, right?

    Enjoy every minute of the kids’ visit!

     
    • metrocakegirl

      pmpFri, 24 Jun 2011 23:13:22 +000013Friday 4 , 2011 at 9:52 p06

      Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog. I am beyond the angry stage. I still get very sad that I have missed and miss so much of both of their lives, but it gets me no where to be angry. (So thank you for noticing.) I would have to say that I am a much wiser person from this experience. 🙂

       

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